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The BeefMother's Mothership of Vanilla Extracted Funk (Cajux Remix)

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Tuesday, February 23rd, 2010
6:07 am - jess's birthday
Is fucking whack!!!!!

(Glory B da funk's on me)

Saturday, July 11th, 2009
3:21 pm - Shadupid
Psill can suck my nuts dry.

(Glory B da funk's on me)

Sunday, February 5th, 2006
3:51 am - To everyone who feels they deserve it...
Lewie Thomas extends his deepest, most (semi)sobriest apologies.


current mood: "sobriest" is not a word

(2 kept that funk alive | Glory B da funk's on me)

Thursday, January 26th, 2006
2:54 am - I'd be like a West Virgian at a Sizzler- Come early, leave late.
I'll spare you the nasty details of what exactly Nick J was referring to when he made that comment, but I've got faith enough that you can all fill in something vile and disgusting enough to satiate your mildly curious desires.

I've told myself that I need to update, as it's been more than a minute since the last one, for quite some time. Yet, I have not found a good time to do so. Or the right reason. But at 3 in the morning and the proper amount of drink inside me, it seems I have been supplied with both.

Break has been alright.
It was good to be back until I picked up on small, nagging problems that I simply shrugged off as not being home for a while.
The more I've been here, the more the problems seem evident; a talk with my mom confirmed this more than anything else.

I'm more than ready to get back to school. I can't wait to see everyone again.

But blah, blah, blah. Complaining and analyzing is gay. That can be saved for the livejournals that I don't read unless my name is mentioned. The point of this entry is to recollect the good moments of break.

1) Break saw the celebration of two very special people: our lord and savior Jesus Christ and me, Lewie Thomas.
2) Break included a very crazy trip down to SMCM where someone got goofy-drunk and threw up in a graveyard moments before he passed out in it. Touchdown, indeed.
3) Break provided some good old fashioned, rib-bruising, leg-cramping, chest-caving, 'bo-throwing, Hagerstown-style Ultimate Frisbee.
4) Break came with a visit from four of MMC's possibly not-gayest: Jon "Jing-Du" Dean, "Magical" Michael Petrocelli, Noah (who snuck by somehow without paying his tax) Waterman, and fellow MDer Katie Lehrner.
5) Break gave me a chance to see the always-delightful Kelci.
6) Break proved that Patrick could eat his helping of dirt cake like a man. (I'm proud Patrick)
7) Break showed that Nick "DDR Dirty Dog Randal" Jamison Hernandez Jr. can get his swerve on for some Triple Sec. Good for you, Nick J.
8) Fucking Guitar Hero.
9) Break allowed me to talk and hang out with Yee Lea Cho more times than any other in recent memory. Even if it was during homosexual activities like watching Laguna Beach or Project Runway.
10) Break introduced me to Brad's hidden folder of sexy pictures.

Of course there's more, but at the moment those were the ten that came to mind. If something feels forgotten- comment or forever hold your peace. I feel like downloading music. Night!

current mood: unpredictable

(10 kept that funk alive | Glory B da funk's on me)

Monday, November 7th, 2005
5:51 am - Snakes on a Plane
Two things I've learned this weekend:

1) Strippers are kind-hearted souls who give back to the children. Bless them. And their sagely advice. They're just a little awkward on elevators.
2)Jew penis is something I never, let me stress, never want to see again in my whole life.

current mood: We got motherfuckin' snakes!

(6 kept that funk alive | Glory B da funk's on me)

Tuesday, August 30th, 2005
2:43 am - scene: young man of 18,charming and good-looking, stands by himself
Things packed, bags in hand, the lad gave one last look to the city that had raised him.
He took a moment to examine every place and person that in some way fostered his present outcome.
He wanted to thank those who had been there, hug those that had loved him, smile to any who have made him happy.
With his last fleeting glance, a look of immeasurable sadness mingling with unimaginable gratitude dancing upon his face, he slowly raised his hand, extended his middle finger and hollered "I'm out, bitches!"
With that, he left for the city bringing hope, optimism, whatever he could pack in his bags and an intense dislike for white people.


See you sometime.

(13 kept that funk alive | Glory B da funk's on me)

Monday, May 30th, 2005
2:38 pm - Folks lining up outside, just to get down!
01. Reply with your name and I will write something I like about you.
02. I will then tell what song/movie/icon reminds me of you.
03. If I were to apply an o'clock to you, I'll tell you what it would be.
04. I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
05. I'll tell you the most memorable moment I've had with you.
06. I will tell you what animal you remind me of.
07. I'll then tell you something that I've always wondered about you.

in the event there is nothing i like about you, i shall instead belittle you into the ground.
so yeah.
have fun.
caveat emptor as they say.

current mood: lemon or ghost?

(22 kept that funk alive | Glory B da funk's on me)

Monday, May 23rd, 2005
8:12 pm - the smarterchild dialogues
LewMan45: so, smarterchild
SmarterChild: So...
LewMan45: what is your view on gay marriage?
SmarterChild: What is my view on gay marriage? What a question. What do you think is the answer?
LewMan45: i say that homosexuals should be granted the same rights as heterosexuals when it comes to the rights and privileges of marriage
SmarterChild: I did not know that.
LewMan45: what do you have to say on homosexual unions?
SmarterChild: I'm not sure what I have to say on homosexual unions.
LewMan45: alright.
SmarterChild: All right.
LewMan45: next topic
SmarterChild: Topic? Next topic? Whatever, LewMan45..
LewMan45: what is your stance on the war in iraq?
SmarterChild: My stance on the war in iraq is something that I can't really explain.
LewMan45: oh?
SmarterChild: Oh?
LewMan45: do you have an opinion on president bush?
SmarterChild: Not right now, no.
LewMan45: oh.
SmarterChild: Yeah.
LewMan45: do you think hip-hop music and other violent media are having a negative effect on the children of today?
SmarterChild: Eh, I don't know...
LewMan45: okay
SmarterChild: OK.
LewMan45: last question
LewMan45: should they legalize child pornography?
SmarterChild: Yeah, I guess.

current mood: lemony

(10 kept that funk alive | Glory B da funk's on me)

Tuesday, May 10th, 2005
9:12 pm - Bring da- Bring da mothewfuckin' wuckus!

A thank you goes out to K-Block.

Without her, I never would've been able to steal these pictures.

So, I now treat you all to....

Where's Lewie?Collapse )

(8 kept that funk alive | Glory B da funk's on me)

Thursday, April 7th, 2005
9:57 pm
You scored as Democrat. <'Imunimaginative's Deviantart Page'>


















What Political Party Do Your Beliefs Put You In?
created with QuizFarm.com

It's cool. I'd rather be more nazi than republican any day.
Ha. So I came home this evening and my mom was teaching carl how to straighten her hair. It was precious.
Things have been far too blahzay for my liking lately.
Too blahzay indeed.
I should find something to do.
I need a hobby-anybody know any good hobbies?
I've just felt so...lazy...lately.
Don't get me wrong, not doing anything is sweet. But being the decent man that I am, I do believe doing something and feeling industrious every now and then might not hurt.

Far too many I's in that above blob.
Oh well. Like it or lump it.
Hope everyone's doing well.
New screenname for those who don't know yet:
Lewie So Fresh.
Add it. Or suffer terminal unfreshness...4lyfe.
Speaking of fresh, I saw Matt Reeder throw up tonight like he did it as an art.
I've never before been proud of someone barfing.
And I still haven't been.
But I came pretty damn close tonight.
I'm strangely looking forward to work tomorrow. Don't know why. Maybe it's because I haven't been active seller in a while. Correction: the position is now called "entertainment specialist."
I've got a job interview tomorrow...with yo momma.
But seriously, I do.
With yo momma.

Alright. Today's assignment.
On Tuesday, our school is having a "What I want to be when I grow up" spirit day. And I need the best idea evar.
So far "space age hooker" is winning.
If you've got a better idea, send me a comment.
And I do mean better.
So if it's not going to be better than space age hooker, don't post it.
In case you're not familiar with what the word "better" is, here are some things you should certainly not suggest:
1) whoever you are- last time i checked, i didn't want to be a slutcake when i grew up, so don't propose yourself.
2) the word "cooter"- i don't even care if you mean turtle, the word "cooter" is sooooo unfresh and will probably be replaced by "periodbox" within 25 years.
3) anything that references to "saved by the bell," "sex and the city," or "shasta mcnasty" -nick j, i'm looking at you.
4) something that is morally offensive- because it has to be school appropriate, the "one-eyed, racist, jesus-hating, pro-abortion, penis, fuck, anti-semite" probably won't work.

that's about it.
if it fits in those requirements, i'm sure, with a little thought, you can come up with the best idea.

so good luck.

maybe if your idea is good, you'll even get a sticker.

you know you want a sticker.
there'll even be a runner-up sticker.

now get cracking.
and away from my journal.

current mood: trying to teleport

(4 kept that funk alive | Glory B da funk's on me)

Sunday, March 20th, 2005
2:08 am - WTFuck?
For the past hour you were: Engaged in a freestyle battle
With whom: Richard Bourque
Where: Over AIM
Because: He said k'nex were "ghey" and i said they were not, and he said to bring, so i brought it, and then he brought it back.

current mood: battle-ready

(7 kept that funk alive | Glory B da funk's on me)

Monday, March 14th, 2005
10:49 pm - I got a hundred guns, a hundred clips...
i'm back from new york.


this weekend, i went to new york. it was quality fun. i am back home.

fast forward.

to save you from the dull details of the my city adventures, i'll just tell you kids the good parts.

-josh punched nick j in the face.
-nick j confuses the words "holocaust" and "horoscope."
-patrick received his first anal and vaginal penetration...at the same time.
-nick psillas is cuckoo for poon-poon puffs.
-nick j is capable of making anal noises that sound like ducks and lasers.
-patrick said that he'd have sex with a lady with no bottom jaw, get her pregnant, and perform the c-section with his teeth.
-a majority of marymount is unaware of the definition of "awkward."
-john dean smuggles hot pockets like harriet tubman smuggles slaves.
-poor 4 year old chloe was cockteased and led-on by josh. who just dropped her love like it was hot. that skeezer.
-tabby and i made rough love.
-don't joke around about the dress barn. damn.
-the state of kansas could have fit inside mike mahoney because he is that big of an asshole.
-the dc push can lick the h-town stomp's asscrack.
-you're status probably ain't hood, so i'm not checking for you.
-nick psillas posted the pictures of patrick's rape online. good man.

that seems about right for now.
i'll probably mention more later.

(7 kept that funk alive | Glory B da funk's on me)

Monday, February 14th, 2005
11:29 pm - siiiiiimmmmply haaaaavvvving a wonderful christmas time
the day of valentine went quite well if i do say so myself.
which i do.
so there.
a positive note about v-day for all you ruddypoots who want to talk badly about it.
i liked it.
made me feel good inside.
and it yielded chocolates, mints, a stash of fun blasters, and a $20 gift card to sheetz. oh hell yeah.
and of all the cute and charming valentines received today, the cutest and charmingest would definitely have to be nick psillas's. it touched me deeply.
you should ask him for the link to it if you haven't seen it yet.


look at me! i'm gonna do one of those lyrics from playlist/guess the song games. but in the spirit of games, i ask that no one use internet online sources to find your answers. that's cheating. and no one likes cheaters. not even jesus.

so here we go.
1: "rhythm is a dancer, its a source companion, you can feel it everywhere."
2: "B-E-N-T-L-E-Y, you ain't know, better ask somebody."
3: "some girls dance with women, knowing that it get some attention"
4: "-Christina, Yolanda"
5: "You don't listen enough, see me pissing enough, leave yellow spots around your bed area, defecate around your head area-"
6: "Let's dance! Put on your red shoes and dance the blues"
7: "Rock rock to the planet rock. Don't stop"
8: "All of your base (all of your base) Be-long tooo us."
9: "See you at the crossroads so you won't be lonely."
10: "I'm your private dancer, dancer for money- do...something-something...shit!"

well that was fun.

in other news...i've got nothing.
how has everyone else been doing lately?
super well?
tell you what, everyone can comment with a short summary on how their life is at this (right here) current moment. only two rules though:
1) it has to be short enough to sustain my attention, yet long for me to not brush it aside.
2) it can't be sad/whiny/complainatory/negative in anyway. i could probably read your livejournal if i want to hear that. and nine times out of ten, i skip those post when you write them, or at best i just skim them for my name (we all do it, it's okay to admit it)

well thats enough for one post. night everyone.
take it easy.


current mood: sitting on a floral chair

(10 kept that funk alive | Glory B da funk's on me)

Monday, February 7th, 2005
10:01 pm - I can k'nex. It's cool to k'nex.
haven't updated in a while.
funny how that has become how most of my posts start.
oh well.

josh and i have invented a song that is guaranteed to turn the rap world upside-down. however, because some of you nuccas might think of stealing it, i can't disclose this idea at the current moment.

ro-bot rock!

so things have been rather...
lately. i need some spice of life.
unfortunately things have been rather routine and mundane. i suppose i should take things upon myself to make life more interesting, instead of looking to others, but i'm far to lazy. and non-initiating.


i found two new killer cuts for nick's second birthday...mix.


i think i may hermit it up and have a weekend to myself. i haven't spent quality time with myself in ages. and lord knows i'll enjoy the company.
the thought's nice. but i'd get too lonely to do it all weekend.


damn. there were three things i meant to do today.
and i accomplished part of one of them. .5/3 ain't so great.


well i think my playlist has gone through enough songs and i've rambled on long enough to close this post.

so leave.
or read this post again.
or another post.
or don't leave.
doesn't matter to me.
and give your uncle ray-ray a hug.

current mood: how is this apathetic?

(3 kept that funk alive | Glory B da funk's on me)

Sunday, January 16th, 2005
4:05 pm - Ben loves fat chicks
Attention please:

Julianna Rose Mauriello, aka "Stephanie" from Nick Jr's "Lazytown," is only 13 years old.

One more time.

13 years old.

how old?
yeah. 13. how about that.

told you.


current mood: 13!

(6 kept that funk alive | Glory B da funk's on me)

Monday, December 27th, 2004
10:28 am
good news everyone!
my new cell phone now works.
and even better news!
the number's still the same as before
(301-991-0975 for you turkeys who didn't know)
so know i can be reached
and you can be screened and ignored!
oh boy!

(3 kept that funk alive | Glory B da funk's on me)

Wednesday, December 1st, 2004
10:07 pm - Damn CO, what the hell does she know? Besides the fact she want her back dug out on the d-lo.
Well in the new house.
and the internet is finally up.

i hate not having the internet for a while.
because when i get back on here, there's always a trillion posts up about two or three different things and i don't actually read any of them, so i just end up missing out on whatever happened.

ah well.
i'm sure i'll find out sooner or later.
the lewie thomas always knows.
(evil glare, rubbing hands together in a sinister dick cheney-esque way)

that brings up another interesting point.
although i haven't thought much about post-election stuff, i still get mad when i think about bush in office.
stupid bush.
man, i hate him.

something i don't hate though is "regulate" by warren g and nate dogg. i've been listening to that song like crack.
musical crack.
screw that shitty tasting flu medicine, the g-funk era is all i need to get better.

and i do need to get better.

i'm off to do other things.
like watch cable television.

how i've missed it.

(11 kept that funk alive | Glory B da funk's on me)

Sunday, November 21st, 2004
7:53 pm - "Ah man, the girl was a freak...I jizzed all over her face"
Well. This week was of mad quality.
What's that? You don't really care?
Well too damn bad, because I'm going to tell you and you know you're going to read it. Loser.

-Pat came down. Got in some quality chilling time.
-Went to mikies. Mmmm-mmm, i love their ice cream. unfortunately, hot casey was not working.
-beat S.A. the all-consuming curse has been lifted from me.
-got a 1410 on the SAT
-beat x-men legends too. go me.
-had one of the craziest laser bowlingest times ever
-got to see d-bloo and machtar.
-listened to James torrid tales of freak love.
-almost partied with a bum
-went to a wedding
-out-niced drew and brittany pullen
-did some other quality things but now i must return to some quality sunday night tv. so leave.

(5 kept that funk alive | Glory B da funk's on me)

Saturday, November 13th, 2004
10:34 pm - WHY JESUS WHY!!!!!!!!!!
oh dear lord.

everyone sit down.

are you seated?


deep breath.

Today we lost another great American hero.
Russell Jones (better known to many as Ol' Dirty Bastard, ODB, Dirt McGirt or Big Baby Jesus) collapsed and died in the recording studio today-at 35.
May his soul rest in peace.

(4 kept that funk alive | Glory B da funk's on me)

Sunday, October 10th, 2004
6:15 pm - An actual serious moment with Lewie P. Thomas
Well, there have been a couple of things that I haven't told anyone about, and now, as these things are suddenly coming more and more into the light, I feel it necessary to tell everyone about them.
However, before I start, I don't want anybody to get this twisted.
This is not a pity post.
And I do not want comments that simply say sorry or anything of that nature.
Because I'll have none of that.


Around the beginning of last summer, my mom and shawn began having some "marital problems" that had until then probably not been noticed as myself and rachel had been around the house enough to keep everyone busy. However, as Rachel branched out and did her college thing, and then was always somewhere over the summer, and I began working and spent less and less time at home, I suppose my parents found they have less in common than they thought. Fast forward to present day, things haven't gotten any better. Far from it, they've gotten much worse. Granted, my parents are still good friends but friendship doesn't support a marriage and so I don't want anyone to be shocked or stunned if I tell you my parents got a divorce.
Also, with the split, neither one of my parents will be able to afford and maintain the house on a single income, so my mom has already begun looking at apartments and such. So once again, if I tell you that I'm moving, I don't want you to be shocked or surprised.

You can let out all your shock and surprision...here.

Comments are always nice and welcome, but as I said please refrain from the cheesy "i'm sorry to hear that," for I am neither sorry nor sad about this.
What happens, happens. Also, try not to use that "everything's going to be alright," as i don't see things as bad either.
Things are always alright with me.
I mean, c'mon,
I'm Lewie Thomas.

(37 kept that funk alive | Glory B da funk's on me)

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